Kelly's Journey

Riley holding my hand

 

 

anuaryJ

April 6th, 2010

Dear Family and Friends:

Since Kelly passed away a year ago today (unbelievably), most of my web entries have been about how much we miss Kelly and how heartbroken we are without her in our lives. It is a fact that we will always miss Kelly! As Kelly's Mom, I know my life will never be the same again, I will always miss and grieve for my beautiful daughter/friend. However, we know that Kelly wouldn't want us to be in this sad place forever, that she would want us to be happy and enjoy life again. I can hear Kelly's voice in my head saying, "if you guys learn anything from this Mom, let it be that life can be very short, you need to do things now". As all of you can imagine, this has been an incredibly tough year, especially for Paul and Riley but we have struggled through it and are, I think, starting to pick up the pieces?

I'd like to share with you, some of my lasting memories of my daughter Kelly :-

Kelly had the bluest eyes and the widest smile. Kelly was kind, warm-hearted and thoughtful. Kelly was a beautiful person and brought joy and laughter to so many people, especially people who came into our lives during her cancer treatment. Kelly was great fun to be with, she loved to laugh and when something was funny to her, she would laugh till the tears ran down her face, her laughter filling the room. Kelly had an incredible sarcastic, off-the-wall sense of humour that her friends loved. Kelly was courageous and she was so incredibly brave that throughout this dreadful illness we never once heard her complain! She was crazily optimistic, when asked how she was, her answer was always the same "oh, just peachy"!! Kelly's family was so important to her and she loved them dearly. She loved her home and her personality is reflected everywhere is their home. Kelly considered that giving birth to Riley was the most important moment of her entire life! She loved being a Mom! A perfect day for Kelly was spending time with Riley, painting together, drawing and doing fun-things! Kelly encouraged Riley to be independent saying "it will stand to her Mom" and it already has!! Kelly loved the seasons, especially Fall and Spring and "the rain". I remember how happy she was to discover Riley liked rain too! Kelly loved the breeze coming in through her bedroom window and would say, "open just a little more Mom". Kelly loved trying new recipes and when she baked, she rarely measured ingredients "she just eyeballed them and things turned out anyway" oh how we laughed about that! Kelly was an artist and had her own online business, people loved her work and she often got repeat orders. Kelly would try her hand at anything, her drawings were mostly quirky and slightly askew because that's the way she liked things to be "not too perfect".

I could go on and on about Kelly's attributes but I know that all her friends can remember many more! So here's some of what her friends had to say about her...

I love you girl. You're an inspiration and example to us all. An amazing girl and a true fighter. An amazing woman. I am so proud to be your friend. An inspiration to all you meet. You fought like a woman. Showed amazing strength of character. Will be remembered forever. Had grown into a lovely woman. A true friend. Always had a welcome smile and a kind word. Will be missed forever. You amaze me, you are good for my soul. Went to support group just because Kelly was there and she was cheerful. We love you so much. Your spirit and determination amaze me. You're truly awesome and inspiring. There were many many more similar tributes!

So on this day, I know many of you will be thinking of Kelly and of her family. The support, prayers and love, given to us throughout Kelly's illness and since her passing, have been tremendous and something we will remember forever. Keeping this website has allowed me to share our journey of hope and sadness with you. It has been an amazing journey for us, but now, the timing feels right to finish with the updates. So this will probably be my last update though the website will remain open for some time yet. If any of you would like to keep in touch with me personally, I'd love to hear from you, my email address is stephenson58@hotmail.com

I have posted new photos of Kelly from a baby and throughout her life, I just wanted to share these with you.

God Bless you all,

March 8th, 2010

Dear Family and Friends:

Saturday marked the eleventh month since my wonderful daughter passed away. There are no words to express just how much I miss Kelly in my life. Being here in Kelly's home without her is extremely hard and somehow it seems even harder this time. Coincidently, or some would say there is no such thing as a coincidence, the day I returned to Toledo this year was the exact same date that I returned here last year. On that day, Riley and Kelly arrived just as I came through the arrivals door. We were all so happy to see each other!! My diary entry for that date read "Kelly looks much frailer than when I left her". It's hard not to think back to last year and how just six weeks after I arrived back, Kelly passed away. In that short time we received encouraging news and bad news. During the "good days" Kelly and I did so many wonderful fun things together! Kelly has left me/us with so many fun memories and memories of a young Mother, Wife, Daughter and friend who was braver than anyone I have ever known. We will miss her forever!

Being here is not all sad though, I have Riley to keep me occupied with fun things!!! Oh my goodness what a treasure she is and how proud her Mama would have been of her. Alphabet recognition is a big part of her life right now and she is continually asking me how to spell our names. Riley loves to write her name wrong, just for a joke! On Saturday, I took Riley to get her hair cut, she loves it and told me "I look beautiful" I say "yes you do darling" We have dined out in all Riley's favourite restaurants, O'Macdonalds and Chicken Town (Chicken Fillet) we've watched Snow White several times and gone for long cycles on her bike with Grandma running to keep up, Ha-ha! We're packing lots in and I still have nearly two weeks left!!

Other things: Paul is on holiday in Hawaii with his brother and seems to be having a great time. I'm so glad that I'm able to be here for Paul to take this break, he certainly needed it. At home, Steve tells me he's missing me and that a quiet house is not all he thought it to be!

As we approach the first anniversary of Kelly's death, I want to thank everyone for your continued love, prayers and support.

God Bless you all,

February 9th, 2010

Dear Friends and Family:

Another month has gone by and it is now "ten months" since I said goodbye to my beautiful daughter! Kelly's death is still so fresh in my mind; I miss her as if we just lost her yesterday! The passing of time can be very misleading. The same period of time can be both long and short, it depends on who is looking at it and from where. On the one hand I think "how can it be ten months" then on the other hand, "it's only ten months"? Though it is so very painful without Kelly in my life, I'm trying to do what I know Kelly would want me to do; I'm trying to move forward.

As at other times in my life, I am finding walking to be very therapeutic, in fact I would almost say it is my saviour. I walk for hours, sometimes lost in thought, other times chatting to the most amazing people who for one reason or another "cross my path". It's hard not to imagine that this isn't part of some greater plan and that I am meant to meet these people, because usually they have some message for me. Separately, I am keeping a journal of "the people that I meet when walking" it's pretty interesting!

Other things: Through the White Rock Museum, I have had a Memorial Plaque set in Kelly's memory. Kelly loved trees and water, her plaque is beside both. Most days I walk past it and  spend a few minutes in reflection. Me looking at a memorial plaque in memory of my daughter is surely the wrong order of things.... in time, Kelly would have done this for me.

On February 24th., I'm travelling to Toledo to spend just under a month with Paul and Riley. I can't wait to see Riley, we'll do many fun things together and I'll treasure every minute with her. My being there will also give Paul a chance to take a break, in fact, he and his brother are going away on a holiday together.

As always my sincere thanks to everyone who continues to think of us and hold us close in their hearts.

God Bless you all,

Love, Flo...

January 7th, 2010

Dear Friends and Family:

Well here we are, it's now nine months since our darling Kelly passed away! Maybe things should be getting easier for us by now, but I'm afraid that doesn't seem to be happening yet. We still miss Kelly so very, very much and the sadness we feel at not having her in our lives, well it's still paramount. I'm trying to think of things this way, that life is a journey and for some reason unknown to us, Kelly's journey ended far too prematurely! For those of us lucky enough to be still on this journey, perhaps we have obligation, to try and live this gift of life to the best of our abilities. Kelly used to say to me, if you learn anything by this Mom, let it be this, don't put things off, live life and enjoy life now! My dear, enjoying life should be almost as simple as breathing, however when you're labouring under a heavy heart, it's not so easy, but we'll keep trying.

Christmas was as expected, a bittersweet time. It was wonderful having Paul and Riley here! Riley's excitement on Christmas morning was a joy to behold; yet our minds couldn't help but slip back to last Christmas morning and happier times. We did it, we got through it, just about! On Boxing Day, Riley's little cousins arrived, Ogie is 6, Orla nearly four and with Riley 41/2, after that there wasn't much time to think, Ha-ha! They had fun together, I will try to post some photos to show how alike the girls are.

Right now, Riley seems to be having a difficult time coming to terms with her Mama not being in her life. Obviously she's missing Kelly dreadfully. Paul's and my focus is on giving Riley as much love, support and reasurrance as possible. I'm intending to visit them in February and in the summertime Paul says Riley can come to us for a visit. So that's where we are right now.

I had thought that this might be my last update...but I'm now thinking I would like to keep updating till April, when unthinkably Kelly will have been gone a year. I continue to be gratefull to our wonderfully supportive family and friends who blow me away with the thoughfull things they do for us.

God Bless you all

December 7th, 2009

Dear Friends and Family:

Yesterday marked the eight month since our darling Kelly was taken from us. I reiterate, yet again, how very hard it is to believe that Kelly has been gone from our lives for that period of time. The passing of time doesn't seem to have helped much in the sadness and heartache we feel at not having Kelly with us.

There's no getting around the fact that Christmas is going to be hard for all of us who have lost loved ones during the past year. Inevitably we will look back on happier times when we were all together. Kelly loved Christmas and all the trimmings! So, in Kelly's memory, we intend to do all we can to make it a happy time for little Riley! Perhaps in so doing, it might help lighten our own hearts as well.

This is actually the first Christmas we have spent in our home since moving to Canada. Paul and Riley are arriving on December 22nd. I can't wait to see them! Our tree is up, we have outdoor lights that play Carols and a 7ft. inflatable Santa for the lawn that should delight all our grandchildren!

The minature Rose Bush we planted in Kelly's memory, despite freezing temperatures, is still covered in beautiful pink roses! The pink cancer-ribbons are still on it and today Steve added coloured lights, Kelly would love it!

Once again, our heartfelt thanks to family and friends for your continued prayers, love and support. We wish you all, a healthy, peaceful and happy holiday.

God Bless you all,

Love, Flo

November 6th, 2009

Dear Friends and Family:

It is now seven months since our darling Kelly passed away. I am still struck by how on the one hand, "I feel it can't be that long" and on the other hand "it feels like forever". All of us who love Kelly, still miss her so much; it's a bit like the song "the hurting just goes on and on".

I returned home on Oct. 13th after nearly a month with Paul and Riley. When I'm with Paul and Riley, I can make things a bit easier for them and Paul tells me  "my being in Toledo certainly gives him a break". Riley and I have a lot of fun, get into a nice routine and then I have to leave and return home. We then go through a period of everybody missing each other all over again, which is especially hard for little Riley. Also, of course when I'm away from home, my husband Steve is on his own, he says "the house is pretty quiet without me around"!!! So there's nothing easy about our situation.

It helps me though to have things to look forward to. As much as I am not looking forward to our first Christmas without Kelly, I am so glad that Paul and Riley are coming to spend Christmas with us. Having Riley here will certainly bring lightness to our heavy hearts.

Other news: The Victory Center in Toledo, is a support center that Kelly used to attend. They do wonderful work supporting cancer patients and their families. Each year they hold a "Celebration of Life Service" to honour and remember those who have passed away. I wasn't able to attend this service, however, I was able to participate. Rev. Cliff Munger read out the attached poem as having been shared by Kelly's Mom.

My heartfelt thanks to our friends and family who continue to support us with their love, support and prayers.

God Bless you all,

Love, Flo.

No Person is Ever Truly Alone

by Richard Fife

No person is ever truly alone.

Those who live no more,

whom we loved,

echo still within our thoughts,

our words and our hearts,

And what they did

and who they were

Becomes a part of all that we are,

forever.

October 7th, 2009

Dear Friends and Family:

Yesterday marked the sixth month that we have been without our darling Kelly in our lives. It is just so hard to believe that that much time has passed! The whole structure of our lives has been upturned by the loss of Kelly. It will take some considerable time to get used to going on without her.

Being here in Kelly and Paul's home is not an easy place for me to be, I keep expecting to see Kelly around every corner. I just miss her so much! However, being with Riley does provide some relief from my grief. We have done so many things together. Who would have thought at my tender age (Ha-ha) I would be bouncing up and down in a bouncy-castle? Riley keeps asking "you all right Grandma?" What fun we have had! Every time I hear her joyful laugh, I know this is what Kelly would want me to be doing, helping Riley through this sad time in her little life. Riley misses her Mama and she talks about her all the time.

The Susan Komen walk on the 27th was amazing, over 19,000 people turned out for it! It was good that we did the walk but Paul and I did find it very sad and emotional. We certainly appreciated the support from Kelly's friends who walked with us in her memory, I'm sure we were all remembering last year when Kelly was with us for this walk.

Since Kelly passed away, the number of people that have crossed my path either because I can help them or they can help me, continually blows me away. Yesterday morning I was listening to the radio and I felt that the following was a message meant for me. It went like this, "regardless of what we go through in life, no matter how great the loss, it is possible to become strong, even at the broken places in our lives". Amen to that.

My thanks to all for your continued love and support.

God Bless, Love, Flo.

September 6th, 2009

Dear Friends and Family:

It is now five months since our darling Kelly passed away. I wish I could say that it is getting easier, but I'm afraid that is not the case. Through my support group, I have learned that five months is considered a very short time in the grieving process and therefore I shouldn't be too hard on myself. Apparently I am doing ok, though I'm not sure what yardstick is being used to gauge that. I miss Kelly more than ever and that's never going to change, I guess I will just have to learn to live with that loss. Kelly is gone from our lives and we are quite simply, just missing the wonderful person that she was!

Paul and I still talk on the phone most days, I think maintaining that contact is helpful to both of us as we travel on this journey of grieving. Riley continues to be a source of great joy to both of us. Paul and I are constantly reminded of how much Kelly would have enjoyed watching Riley develop into the independent little person we always knew she would be. Our life now seems to be punctuated with "bittersweet moments".

The Hospice support groups I have been attending has definitely been a help and some of us intend to keep in touch after the sessions are finished. The Hospice has been so good to me, at some later stage I can see myself getting involved as a volunteer in order to give something back.

Right now, I'm really looking forward to seeing Riley and Paul on the 17th of this month. On September 27th, we'll be joining up with Kelly's friends to do the Susan Komen walk in memory of Kelly, that's not going to be an easy day!

Once again, our heartfelt thanks to you all for your continued prayers and support.

God Bless you all,

Love, Flo..

August 6th, 2009

Dear Friends and Family:

It is four months today since my beautiful daughter left our lives. It hardly seems possible that so much time has passed, because to me the hurt, the loss and the sadness are as fresh as if I had just lost Kelly yesterday. It is still unbelievably hard to accept she's actually just gone, gone from our lives forever.

Paul and I are still supporting each other, we email or talk most days. Riley is of course our most precious treasure and such a constant reminder of her Mama. I think they're doing ok; it's hard to feel down with a little one around and the physical act of looking after Riley, running a home and working doesn't leave much free time. I wish I lived closer so that I could provide more practical help.

Through the Hospice here I've found a support group, for "parents who have lost adult children". I have attended one session and I feel sure it is going to be helpful. It was a pretty sad group though; none of us knew each other, yet we were all united in our grief. Also through the Hospice, I am starting relaxation classes, which can only help. All this will take me up to the middle of September and then I'll be travelling to Toledo to do the Susan Koman walk.

I am still getting tremendous support from friends and family, without your support this would be so much harder for me, thank-you all so much. Brenda, if you're reading this, I want you to know, you and your family are never far from my mind.

God Bless you all

Love, Flo.

July 6th, 2009

Dear Friends and Family

It is so hard to believe that it is three months today since our darling Kelly passed away. My grief and my heartache is as fresh as if we just lost Kelly yesterday. It seems to me, all that time is doing for me, is reinforcing that Kelly is gone from my life forever. I'm still stumbling along, some days are worse than others, there are not many "good" days just yet. I doubt that you ever get over losing a daughter, no matter what age: essentially it is still your child you have lost. I am sure with time, I will find peace in my heart and the good memories and the many happy times Kelly and I shared, will become a comfort to me.

The one very bright spot in our lives is of course Riley: she a  precious little girl! Riley still asks about her Mama daily, it's so hard for her to understand what's going on. However, she's surrounded by love from all of us and we can do a lot to help her through this difficult time.

Paul and Riley enjoyed their visit with us in Canada. Riley got to meet her little cousins, Ogie 5, Orla 3 and Ronan just 1. What fun they had sleeping overnight at Grandma's house!!  Kelly's birthday on June 16th was as you can imagine a very difficult day for us to get through, it was meant to be so different. Roisin spent the day with us, we all went out for dinner and later, we spent some private reflection time at the seaside.

Steve and I returned to Toledo with Paul and Riley. Steve is back home now and I'm returning home on Saturday. By then, I will have been with Riley for a whole month, it's been good for both of us. I'll be back in Toledo again in September to do the Susan Koman walk in honour of Kelly.

Thank-you so much for continuing to keep us in your hearts and prayers, it is a great comfort to us. God Bless you all.

Love, Flo

June 3rd, 2009

Dear Friends:

It will be two months on June 6th since our darling Kelly passed away and yet I still can't believe that she is gone from our lives. The reality of that is so hard to grasp, my mind just doesn't want to accept that fact. There is hardly a minute of any day that I don't think of Kelly, reminders of her and what we shared are with me constantly. I'm told that, in time, those memories will become a comfort to me, but I'm not there yet that's for sure. Right now my grief is still so raw.

I still have daily contact with Paul, we are both missing Kelly so much but we're helping each other through this very difficult time. Paul sends me plenty of photos of Riley, in fact there's one waiting for me most mornings when I get up. Such a nice way to start my day!! Paul and Riley are coming to visit us next week for 10 days, we just can't wait to see them!!! Then Steve and I will return to Toledo with them. Paul has to be away on business for a week so we'll have fun looking after Riley. I'll probably stay a bit longer than Steve, to spend some extra time with Riley!! Today our little Riley celebrated her 4th birthday, yet another tough day to get through. The family will be together for what would have been Kelly's 40th birthday on June 16th. It will be a sad day, I know we'll all be thinking of how different this day was meant to be, but it will be good that we're able to be together. 

Again we thank everyone for your continued support, prayers, cards, donations to cancer research, your kind words on the guestbook and just still being there for all of us. It is very comforting.

God Bless

Love, Flo.

May 6th, 2009

Dear Friends:

It is one month today since our beautiful Kelly was taken from us. My heart is still heavy with grief. I am going thru the motions of doing what I have to do, but it is still oh so hard to realize that Kelly is gone from us. I'm back home in Canada and while it's good being back home with Steve, arriving back here, I was hit afresh with the realization that Kelly is gone. Our lives were so intertwined, we talked on the phone at least twice a day, we were so much a part of each other's lives and it's just hard for me to think of anything in our lives that we didn't share. I just miss her so much!!!

Paul and I still talk daily, we both have web cameras, so I'm able to talk with and see Riley as well. It's very hard for Paul, I know he misses Kelly so much, he's just heartbroken without her. We both have days when we feel like we can't go on without Kelly, but of course we will, we have to, we have little Riley to look after.We both know it will easier with time, but for now, it's still early days, it will take a long time for this hurting to heal.

Paul and I want to thank everyone who generously made donation to various Cancer Research funds in Kelly's name. We appreciate this so much, research and a cure for this awful disease that is wrecking so many lives, is something we can all look forward to. Thank-you also to all who continue to support us thru emails, phone calls and so many beautiful cards and messages.

God Bless you all,

Love, Flo.. 

April 27th, 2009

Dear Friends:

It is three weeks today since our darling Kelly passed away. Our hearts are weighed down with the sadness of not having her with us. Paul and I are stumbling along, doing the things we have to do, trying to remain upbeat for little Riley. I guess we’re doing as well as one would expect at this early stage but we just miss her so much. We are so grateful to everyone for the unbelievable kindness and the thoughtfulness shown to us by so many. I know like us, so many of Kelly’s friends and family are struggling to come to terms with losing such a wonderful person, she truly was amazing and loved by all who knew her.

I’m hoping to keep the website open for some time yet, I know people will want to know how we’re doing.

God Bless you all,

Love, Flo & Paul

April 6^th. 2009

Dear Friends:

It is with great sadness and breaking hearts that we have to tell you that Kelly lost her valiant battle with cancer and passed away early this morning in the loving arms of her family. It is of some small comfort to us to know that Kelly is no longer suffering.

Kelly is at rest in Fretti Funeral Home. 5045 W. Sylvania Ave (at Corey) Viewing will be Wednesday 4-8, Remembrance Service at 7:30.

Our heartfelt thanks to everyone for your prayers, love and support during what has been and will continue to be the most challenging time of our lives.

God Bless you all,

From the Heather, Bergman and Stephenson families

p.s. Our home address here is

7032 Leicester Road

Toledo, Ohio 43617

April 4^th/09

Dear Friends:

After a further short stay in hospital, Kelly came home yesterday by ambulance. We now have hospice care 24/7 and our situation is pretty critical. Kelly is being kept as comfortable as possible and seems to be in no pain. Roisin, Sean, Steve and Paul’s brother and sisters are all here, Kelly’s father (Noel) is arriving tomorrow. Kelly is surrounded by love. Please pray for strength for all of us.

God Bless you all,

Love from us all.

March 28^th/ 2009

Hi Everybody:

Our week has been a very emotional one to say the least. Kelly is still in hospital though she’s hoping to come home today. During the week, Kelly has had various tests, including a lumbar puncture, an extremely painful experience for her. The results of this test confirmed the cancer is indeed in the spinal fluid around Kelly’s spine. The medical team have decided to try chemotherapy first and if that doesn’t work, they can still try radiation. All of this is very hard on Kelly’s already very tired body. She has put up such an amazing fight! On Wednesday Kelly was transferred from Flower Hospital to Toledo Hospital for a medical procedure. Kelly has had yet another port inserted, this time in her head, this one (called an Ommaya port) will be used to administer the chemo directly into the spinal fluid. Man oh man what this young woman has gone through! On Thursday, Kelly asked and her wish was granted, she was sent back to Flower Hospital.

Kelly’s condition right now is that she is very exhausted and sleeps for quite a bit of the time. Things have changed very quickly here and when Kelly does come home, we are going to need some medical assistance to work with her. That’s about all for now. I will write more when I know more.

The support, love and prayers of everyone is such a huge comfort to us. I know that you all feel our pain.

God Bless,

Love, Flo.

p.s. Kelly came home from hospital late today.

March 23rd/ 2009

Hi Everybody:

Last week I wrote up the good news, as received from Dr. Mowat. I'm afraid I have to say that our good news did not last the week. I mentioned last week, that Kelly was still having a lot of pain, well it got much worse as the week went on. When we met with Dr. Mowat on Thurs we asked for a bone scan to confirm that the pain was caused by Neuropathy and not something more sinister. The scan was scheduled for Friday, however by Fri. things had changed for the worse.  Kelly had lost the use of her legs completely. Additional tests were scheduled and the results were made available to us late on Friday. We were absolutely horrified to be told that the cancer has spread to new areas. It is now in Kelly's spine and in her pelvic region. We're devastated! Kelly was admitted to hospital midnight Friday and is still there. They are still doing tests and are hoping to find a way to treat this new cancer, but her Oncologist told me, it's very hard to treat this kind of cancer. Kelly must be even more scared than Paul and I are, but being Kelly, as always, she is putting up a brave front. So once more dear friends, we are asking you all to continue with your prayers and support, we surely need them.

God Bless,

Love, Flo

March 15^th/2009

Hello Everybody:

As scheduled, we met with Dr. Mowat this week to discuss the results of the CT scan.  We are VERY happy to tell you that, according to Dr. Mowat, everything is looking good!!! Kelly’s liver-enzyme counts are now all within the normal range, which is incredible news!!!  Dr. Mowat said, “I can tell you now, I was very worried about Kelly and when I put her on those 4 different types of Chemotherapy, that was pretty much a last ditch effort”. If that hadn’t worked, then we were in deep trouble. I’m sure in our hearts we all knew that was the case. Dr Mowat also said, “while he wouldn’t quite call it a miracle, it is pretty miraculous the way things have turned around for Kelly. Dr. Mowat referred to Kelly’s condition as being "in partial remission”. We do consider ourselves to be extremely lucky indeed and Kelly said, “she truly feels like she dodged a bullet”!!!

Other things: Kelly is still experiencing a lot of bone pain and it’s heartbreaking to see what she still has to go through on a daily basis! However, she is getting stronger, helping out with meals (she makes an awesome salad) we’ve been to the Mall (several times) and I guess we’re just doing more things daily. On the weight issue, Kelly’s trying hard to gain “with some success”, Grandma is trying hard to lose, “with not much success.” We’re having fun!!! Starting next Thursday, Kelly will be back on Chemo (Herceptin) however it will only be once every three weeks, so she will have a bit more freedom in her life. This is considered a maintenance program and Kelly will probably be on this for the rest of her life.

We have a lot to be grateful for right now and all of you who have supported us throughout this journey are top of the list!! Thank-you for being in our lives. God Bless you all.

Love,

Flo

March 7th/ 2009 

Hi Everybody:

Kelly had a pretty good week, though in her words, “it was an incredibly sleepy one”. We all agreed that if sleep was what her body needed, then that’s what she should do. Kelly has been taking an appetite stimulant that indeed did perk up her appetite!!! I have been cooking up a storm and we are pleased to say that Kelly has put on 4 lbs. in weight!!! The results of this of course is that she is feeling stronger, looking better and is a little more stable on her feet!!

Kelly had the CT scan done on Wednesday morning. I was allowed to stay in the room with her; I just had to wear the “protective lead apron.” I’m sure you can all imagine what thoughts were going thru my mind as the machine was scanning Kelly’s body. I was thinking of her as a little child, thinking that she doesn’t deserve this, thinking also, that the results of this scan could have a huge impact on the rest of our lives!!! Well the test results were out yesterday and we are very, very happy to say that there is a marked improvement in all areas!!! We did not meet with Dr. Mowat as we had planned because he was running way behind schedule. However, in our brief encounter with him, his words were “it’s better, it’s getting better.” Dr. Mowat had also drawn a smiley face on the paper copy of the report, smileys are indeed good news!!!

Next week we will definitely meet with Dr. Mowat and go over the test results in detail. The cancer is not gone, so Kelly will have to go back on Chemo again at some stage. Right now, we’ll be concentrating on getting her stronger so that she will be better able to withstand the effects of the Chemo. For now though, it’s sufficient to say, we are thrilled to bits with this news.

Once again, from the bottom of our hearts, we thank each and every one of you for the role you have played in supporting Kelly and indeed all of us over these difficult times. We are so thankful. The power of prayer is amazing and makes all things possible. 

God Bless,

Love, Flo.

March 1st/ 2009

Hi Everybody:

Greetings from Toledo, where the promise of spring is not nearly as obvious as in White Rock.  At home, Steve and I had been having morning coffee in the garden and our daffodils and crocuses were well up. Returning here, flying over Chicago, I saw snow everywhere and Toledo was not much different. No sign of spring here yet, but we’re hopeful that things will change real soon. On arrival at Toledo airport, I had my own special sign of spring; Kelly and Riley greeted me with a big bouquet of flowers, they were all pretty happy to see me!!

It’s good to be back with Kelly and family, to see firsthand just how she’s doing. Kelly remains very debilitated but is continuing to do her very best to fight this. As we know with cancer, the damage done by Chemo. can often be worse than the cancer itself. On Thursday, Kelly and I had an appointment with Dr. Mowat. Kelly’s blood-work results were all good and once again her liver enzyme numbers were down. According to Dr. Mowat, Kelly is now within the “normal range.” Great news!!! Though when I asked Dr.Mowat what this means for the cancer in Kelly’s lungs and other areas, he admitted that while he does feel optimistic that that cancer is shrinking too, we will only know for sure when we have a CT scan. We’re expecting to have the scan during the week and hopefully we’ll have more good news to report next week???  Kelly is still off all Chemo, her body so badly needs this break! The expectation is that, daily, Kelly will be taking “baby steps” towards getting stronger but in Kelly’s words these are pretty small baby steps!!! Kelly has certainly not lost her sense of humor; we have had a lot of good belly laughs since I came back. Unfortunately though, the laughter brings on coughing and the coughing makes her sick, so Paul and I are limited in just how funny we can be!

My mention of Kelly turning 40 this year has prompted others to come clean, like Kelly’s cousin Michelle and her friend Diane. I know Oorla (in Ireland), will be 40 (Kelly and her are days apart in age and have known each other since they were 4 yrs old). There are probably other friends too who will be turning 40 this year, it's a great age!!!

Other things: It’s Mardi Gras time in New Orleans, Kelly’s friend Judith and her family (who live in New Orleans) sent us a “King Cake” via UPS what a wonderful surprise, thank-you very much! We are working our way thru it but haven’t found “the baby” yet. Paul’s brother and his wife Roushell are visiting from Toronto this weekend, it’s good to see them and Riley has a new playmate, Uncle Robert!!

Please continue to keep up the prayers, especially for next week. My friend Joan tells me that Kelly is on a prayer healing group list in St.Columba's church in London, England, I know in Ireland they are “praying up a storm” and our many other friends and family all over the world are blitzing the heavens with prayers, we are so very grateful to you all.

God Bless

Love, Flo.

February 21^st 2009

Hi Everybody:

The time is flying by, February is nearly over and spring is definitely a step closer. The daffodils and crocuses are waking up and before long the trees will be put on their new gown (in Ireland it is called “guna”). What an exciting season!

There has also been a little bit of, dare I say, “excitement” with us this week. All the markers seem to indicate that although Kelly hasn’t had any treatment since Feb. 6th, the cancer has not grown!!! This is really good news!! With the exception of one bad day, Kelly has had a pretty good week. Of course all things are relative, Kelly is still extremely exhausted, the Neuropathy seems to be getting worse, (the numbness appears to be going further up her legs) but Kelly remains the warrior we all know her to be, still fighting this awful battle!!!

Other news: I am returning to Toledo on Tuesday. I have had a nice break at home; I’m rested and ready to help out again. Just finished speaking with Paul and Kelly, they are pretty excited about me coming back!! They said, my cooking will be very welcome, goodbye Lean Cuisine!! Kelly also said, she would kill for a good cup of tea, she’s looking forward to at least one of the cats sleeping somewhere else, someone to watch daytime TV with, to go Internet shopping with and of course take her to the Mall. Riley is also looking forward to me coming back and she said, " get on the plane Grandma and don’t jump".

One other thing. I know it’s early for this but we do need things to look forward to. Kelly is going to be 40 in June and we are planning one hick of party!!! More later…

Keep up the prayers please…we just may have this cancer on the run!!!

God Bless

Love, Flo…

February 14^th/2009

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody:

Hope you’re all enjoying the prospect of spring being just around the corner!! I know Kelly is really looking forward to warmer days and no more snow!!! Kelly hasn’t done so well this week. As I mentioned in last weeks update, she is just so exhausted, it is very hard to keep up this struggle over such a long period of time. Kelly did not have Chemo. this week because Dr. Mowat decided since Kelly’s enzyme levels are so low, he would give her a two-week break from all treatment. The hope is, this will give Kelly a chance to gain some strength, put some weight back on and in general be better able to withstand the effects of Chemo when she goes back on it. In talking to Kelly today, she is feeling a little better and even managed to go to Riley’s school Valentine Day party. Kelly told me, Riley brought all her little friends over to meet "my Momma" !!!

It was a year ago (Feb. 12^th) since Kelly had her breast reconstruction surgery and to our mind she has not been well since then. However this next year is going to be better, our short term goal is to get some weight on Kelly and to get her feeling stronger, our long-term goal remains the same, to get Kelly into remission!  Please keep up your prayers, the fact that we have come this far, to my mind means the prayers are working. Thank-you all from the bottom of our hearts.

God Bless,

Love, Flo

February 6th/2009

Hi Everybody

Kelly’s had another mixed week of good and bad days, looks like this is the way it’s going to be until she’s well enough to stop the Chemo. treatment. Kelly had Herceptin and Gemzar yesterday, though they once again had to reduce the strength of the Gemzar because of her platelet count being low. After her weeks break, Kelly is back on Tykerb but Dr Mowat decided to stop the Xeloda for the time being. The good news is Kelly’s liver enzyme levels continue to drop!!! Dr. Mowat is very pleased with this result. He also said that he thinks that the level of debilitation Kelly is experiencing at the moment, is due more to the treatment than the cancer. Kelly is still extremely tired; in fact she is exhausted!! Kelly continues to fight this awful disease and I continue to be filled with admiration that she still finds the strength to do so, Thank God she does.

I understand Kelly is way behind in her phone calls to friends but hang in there; she’ll get to you as soon as she can.

We’re still monitoring when I’ll need to return to Toledo. Riley told me yesterday she wants me to stay in her house, not in Steve’s house. Bless her little heart. Once again, our sincere thanks to all for your continued love, prayers and support.

God Bless you all

Love, Flo…

Hi Everybody:

Well it’s been another roller-coaster of a week for Kelly. Thursday and Friday were bad days, but for the rest of the week Kelly felt  “fairly OK.” Any little improvement is encouraging for us. We’re eager to grab at anything that shows even the slightest indication that we’re moving in the right direction!  Kelly’s appetite had also improved a little and we were happy about that, however she has had difficulty in keeping food down and has continued to lose weight and is now down to 116lbs. Kelly spoke to Dr. Mowat about her weight loss. He said, “Kelly your body is under such an attack, that even when you’re sitting still, your body feels like it’s running a marathon, in terms of the calories it’s burning”. It’s going to be very hard for Kelly to gain any weight until they are able to reduce the treatment!

No Chemo. treatment on Thursday, Kelly’s platelet count was too low. All her other blood-work was OK and Kelly could have had the Herceptin part of her treatment, but she was so exhausted she just needed "to go home to her bed!!! Dr Mowat decided to give Kelly a break from all Chemo treatment this week; he said her body needs a rest. Being Kelly right now is pretty tough. I know the fight she is putting up and I am amazed that she finds the strength to go on, day after day. She truly does fight like a girl!!! Kelly and I talk daily and we’re monitoring the situation as to just when I may be needed back in Toledo.

I mentioned compiling a directory of all the people who have signed our guestbook and the support that has been for us. I was very remiss in not mentioning all our other supporters, a whole army of people, who send beautiful cards, who phone us and I know lots of people just keep in touch thru word-of-mouth. A big thank-you to each and every one of you, we are so grateful and lucky to have you in our lives. Please keep up the prayers.

God Bless you all

Love, Flo..

January 24^th/2009

Hi Everybody:

Greetings from the West Coast of Canada! It’s good to be home but feels strange not to be with Kelly and family. Our house is a lot quieter!!  I miss not hearing Riley calling “Grandma”. Kelly and I talk on the phone most days…so I’m in touch with what’s going on.

Thursday was Chemo day. Paul and Kelly had an appointment with Dr. Mowat; he is very pleased with how the treatment is working. Kelly’s numbers are down yet again, it looks like at last we are truly moving in the right direction. Kelly’s platelet count was low and technically she shouldn’t have got Gemzar. Dr. Mowat however decided to reduce the Gemzar strength and that way her body should withstand it. For the past week, Kelly’s blood pressure has been very low; one of the results of this is that she is exhausted. Yesterday she slept the whole day!! It’s a tough place to be, a real catch-22 situation!! Kelly needs to drink a lot of fluids to keep her body hydrated, yet she can’t stay awake long enough to consume them, pretty frustrating!! However, I just spoke with Kelly a few minutes ago and today is a better day.

That’s about all the news I have for now. I have started making a list of all the friends who have signed our guestbook; so far I have 75 names. Thank-you all for being there for us.

God Bless you all,

Love, Flo

January 17^th/2009

Hi Everybody:

Wow, what a mixed bag our week has been!! It went like this for Kelly, one very good day (Fri) then 3 very bad days and the rest of the week very good!!! I can tell you, we certainly made the most of the good days and dealt with the bad days as best we could. Thursday, Chemo day things went well. Kelly’s blood work was good; she was able to have all her IV treatment. We also received results of another liver enzyme test and Kelly’s numbers were down yet again, only marginal but an indication the treatment is working!!! No meeting with Dr. Mowat this week, we still don’t know what his medical opinion is on these results but it can only be good.

I mentioned we capitalized on the good days, so I must tell you about our Cincinnati trip. Kelly and Paul used to live in Cincinnati and for a period of that time, Kelly worked in Pottery Barn. Naturally, being Kelly, she made friends. Some of these friends hadn’t seen each other for years; some had only recently found out about Kelly’s cancer, all were keen to get together at some stage.  At very short notice, a trip was planned and Kelly and I set out for Cincinnati last Friday. It’s a 3 hr. drive, our roads were snowy, I have no experience of driving in snow, so the plan was, for Kelly to drive till we got on the highway and then I would take over. However, Kelly was feeling so good she actually drove the whole distance!!! We stayed at a local hotel, the staff were so incredibly good to us, even sent up a tray of “chocolate covered strawberries”, we felt pampered! On Saturday Kelly wasn’t feeling quite so good, so we scrapped our plan to “do the shops”. Kelly’s friend Jeanie (they met through a book club) came to our hotel, we had a great day, talked up a storm, watched a very funny movie “Ghost Town” and really enjoyed our time together. On Sunday, Kelly was feeling worse, so her Pottery Barn friends came to our hotel instead of us going out to meet them.  A great get-together, everybody enjoying catching up, and judging by the amount of laughter, lots of happy memories were recalled. What a wonderful occasion!!! However the rest of our trip went a bit askew. Kelly by now is feeling pretty unwell, it’s snowing heavy in Cincinnati, I can’t drive in snow, Kelly is too unwell to drive, so what to do??? Well, here’s what we did… Monday morning Paul and a colleague drove to Cinci. The friend then drove Paul’s car back to Toledo and Paul drove us home, a happy ending!! Once we arrived home, Kelly started to feel better, so like the old adage, all’s well that ends well.

Other news: I am returning to Canada tomorrow. As I write, Kelly is feeling pretty good so we’re hoping they can manage on their own for a while. I’m looking forward to going home and enjoying the warmer weather, Steve tells me he has even been out in his little sports car, so no snow with us!!! Continued appreciation for your prayers and support.

God Bless you all

Love, Flo…

January 9th/ 09

Hi Everybody:

One way or another we have had a very busy week!! Thursday (Chemo day) seemed to have come around very quickly. Before treatment, Paul and Kelly met with Dr Mowat and he said, “he was very pleased with how Kelly looked”. However, how Kelly looks and how she’s actually feeling is sometimes contradictory, so we still need to wait a couple of more weeks to find out just well she is doing on this new regime. In the meantime they have put Kelly back on Herceptin, now she’s actually on four Chemo drugs!!! On Thursday though, Kelly’s platelet count was too low for them to administer the Gemzar part of her treatment, we’re disappointed but we’re pragmatic, we know there’s not much we can do about it. Yesterday, we received the results of Kelly’s latest liver enzyme tests, and were extremely happy to see that her numbers are substantially down!!! We haven’t had an opportunity to discuss these results with Dr. Mowat yet, but we know that’s what we’re looking for, it’s an indication that the Chemo drugs are working!!!  Neuropathy continues to be a big problem for Kelly and there doesn’t seem to be much they can do about it. We know it is a side effect from one of the Chemo. treatments, probably the Gemzar.

Other news: Steve is back home in Canada, we’re all missing him, especially Riley. Also, I’m planning on going home for a break. We’re not sure how this is going to work but we all realize the practicality of it.

Yet again, we want to thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We love reading your guestbook entries!!! My plan, if I find the time (???) is to do a glossary of your names and a little description of how we know you, how long we’ve known you and just how you have touched our lives.

Till the next time,

God Bless you all

Love, Flo.

January 4^th/2009

Hi Everybody:

A very Happy New Year to you all. I’m a bit late with this write-up; sorry about that, as I’m sure you are all wondering how Kelly is doing. Well, Kelly’s blood count readings were all good and so she did have the IV part of her Chemo treatment on Wednesday, we’re very pleased about that!!! Dr. Mowat was on holidays so there is nothing to report from him this time. This is the end of the first week of Kelly taking all three Chemo drugs and so far we haven’t noticed any real changes, again we’re pleased about that!!! The only major problems Kelly has now are bone pain and balance issues. Dr. Mowat assured Kelly that the balance issues are due to the fact that she has severe neurotrophy in her feet, he said, “if you can’t feel your feet, you’re bound to have balance problems”!! It does seem to be worse since she started taking Gemzar, I guess it’s just another awful thing that Kelly is going to have to put up with.

This past week: Kelly’s friend Diane, (from Kentucky) came to visit with her two daughters, it was really nice for Kelly to see them again. Diane and her girls stayed at a hotel in Levi’s Common and so did Steve and I, we got away for a couple of days too. When we came back from our little sojourn, Kelly and Paul went to the Summerset Mall in Troy and stayed for 2 nights at the Sommerset Inn. They said, “they had a really nice break”, the first time they had been away alone since Riley was born. Steve and I had great fun looking after Riley who kept us both very busy!!! Today, Steve starts his journey back to our home in White Rock; we had a great visit and really made the most of his time here.

That’s all our news for now. We're hoping that 2009 will see Kelly go into remission, that is our goal and she so deserves that!! Our wish for all of you is that the year ahead will be peaceful, happy and healthy.

God Bless you all

Love, Flo.